By updating the rides, we are losing some of the original magic… and racism.

Photo by pan xiaozhen on Unsplash

With the Disneyland theme park having reopened recently, I’ve been feeling the need to speak out about something important to me and my community. As an admin of the Disney Adults Facebook page, a father of three Mickey-loving children, and a self-proclaimed Disneyland purist, I strongly oppose the park’s “cultural updates.” Disneyland is a historical landmark, full of childhood nostalgia from 1955. By updating the rides to reflect the civil progress of the past 60+ years, we are losing some of the original magic. …

Invitations are kept on the DL in order to avoid anyone’s judgment… or FOMO.

Photo by cottonbro from Pexels
  1. Invitations are kept on the DL in order to avoid anyone’s judgment… or FOMO.
  2. You hold a meeting with participants to gauge everyone’s comfortability levels and implement a safe word.
  3. You encourage couples. The more the merrier!
  4. Everyone gets tested beforehand and openly discusses how many people they’ve been with recently.
  5. You have an agreed-upon alibi for the weekend.
  6. You lie to your Airbnb host about the number of guests staying at the property. Six is basically two if you’re all sleeping in the same bed, right?
  7. You’re already workshopping vague Instagram captions that keep a veil of mystery around…

  1. Welcome a turkey to the home as a new pet mere hours after devouring a dead one.
  2. Make a lengthy post on Facebook expressing your sadness for those who need to work on this holiday and then immediately order a Postmates delivery for a celebratory bottle of champagne you’re too tired to pick up yourself.
  3. Spend 30 minutes criticizing the Pilgrims for invading Native American land and taking what wasn’t theirs and then proceed to brag about how cheap your new yoga studio’s rent is in Inglewood.
  4. Gather the family for your tradition of watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade…

Derek Mari

Derek Mari is an LA-based comedy writer and director. Derek writes sketch at the UCB theatre and satire for online publications.

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